why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
