I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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