does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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