that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
