Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
