and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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