Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
