So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
