you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
