You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
