She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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