Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
