Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize