I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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