Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
