I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
