Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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