Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
