Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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