Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
