I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
