Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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