My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
