I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We got so high we made milksteak
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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