So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
