I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
