Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Nicole vs. Life
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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