"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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