just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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