I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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