I heard we made out
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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