i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
