I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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