he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
