ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So squirting runs in the family.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
The air taste purple.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
