the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
