If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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