just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
