im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
