Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I supernannyed him into submission
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
