I should be sponsored by Trojan
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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