guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
