Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
