he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
