I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's never too late to be topless.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
