im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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