put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize