i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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