Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
