I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
