Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
