Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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