My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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