Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
