What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
