how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
