Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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