We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
