you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
