you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Screwed.edu
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
