Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
