I bet he comes in French.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
