the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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