Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
