I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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