i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
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