Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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