did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
