The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
