Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
