This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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