He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
