shes about as inviting as chlamydia
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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