what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
