so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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