I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
