Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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