Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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