Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse

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(201): View more from New Jersey

he confused my yawn for an orgasm

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(703): View more from Virginia

My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises

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(712): View more from Iowa

Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.

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(540): View more from Virginia

There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse

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(303): View more from Colorado

Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.

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(518): View more from New York

Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.

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