Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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