as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
