You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
