I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
