Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
