I think i peed on brittanys purse
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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