He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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