please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
