You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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