I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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