That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
