have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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