you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize