I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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