just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I love you.
Bad choice
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
