RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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