I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
