You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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