So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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