I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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