What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
