I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
