just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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