we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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