i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
