any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
