i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
