I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
