Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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