I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
