My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize