last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
